Happy Holidays!

Today is Christmas day and for the first time I have nothing to do. This year is full of firsts for me and it’s a bit weird, but at the same time it’s kinda nice. I did absolutely nothing this holiday season; I’m just supposed to sit back and enjoy. This is what the holiday season is all about, am I corect?  Then why do I feel so antsy. I have celebrated both Thanksgiving and Christmas this year worry free and with my boyfriend’s family. I should be calm right?

The point is that they celebrate differently than I do and it’s been really nice, but I am totally confused. His family likes to do everything for their kids (my boyfriend and his siblings) and I feel so helpless, but restful, so that’s good. For their Christmases they like to celebrate it the night of Christmas Eve until midnight of Christmas day. This is why I am writing to you on Christmas day in confusion. A full day of rests? More like a hyperventilating Asian girl in panic mode, who has no idea what to do with herself!

Usually on Christmas day at my family’s home we would be cooking for hours, opening a tidal wave of presents, and screaming at each other across the room because there are so many family members in the house. I am so used to celebrating Christmas the only way I know how, and that’s chaotically. This is the total opposite of what I’ve done every year. I’m getting so antsy that I want some to yell at me already, so I can calm down and snap out of it. Maybe I should run around in circles and go outside and scream at everyone “MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!” Run amok in the streets of this quiet neighborhood, Ding-Dong ditch homes, steal people’s trashcans, Scare women and children. These all sound good in theory, or sound great in my head anyway, but you and I both know these are not good choices for a sane person. Today of which I seem not to be. Am I just some sort of Christmas masochist? Am I a Grinch unless for punishment? What kind of monster am I? Tell me I beg of you!

I am probably going crazy and I should enjoy this restful Christmas day. This is a Christmas blessing in disguise, it must be. Plus I appreciate all that the things my boyfriends family has done for me. They are absolutely beautiful people and to show my appreciation I should be calm. I shall say the mantra “stay calm” in my mind until I am. As for now write a list of all the things my crazy mind wants to do.

To all a Merry Chaotic Christmas and a Happy New Year!!! May your day be as restful as you want it to be.

- <3 Jacqueline